[x]

I want to dieI'll slit my throat from ear to ear,
I'll watch your party from hell, as you cheer.
"You okay?" I shake my head.
I hate my life, I want to drop down dead.

I wonder if she'd care if I died.
No, probably not, she knows I lied.
I wonder if anyone would.
No, probably not, everyone thinks I should.

Tell a girl you like her, she'll smile and kiss you.
Tell a girl you like her, she'll smile and play with you.
Tell a girl you love her, she'll freeze and then leave.
Tell a girl you love her, she'll crush your heart, no reprieve.

When a girl says she loves you, when she knows she shouldn't.
It always confuses me, they always know I couldn'

Keep me SafeDon't let me fall
Keep me strong
I can't sink again
I'm trying my best,
Just hold me
Never ever let go
I'll be fine
As long as I have you,
My love

You are my strength,
You keep me up when I'm low
You are my faith,
I will always believe in you
You are my light,
You always guide me through
Just never let go
I'll do whatever it takes,
Just keep me safe
My sweet love

Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.

"I'm Fine,"
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Tired.
Nervous.
Scared.
Jealous.
Angry.
Mad.
Insane.
Feel like shit... again...

"I'm just not hungry,"
I say.
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
No Food.
I'll starve my body into death.

"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please.
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.

How can I be happy, If I know you're not?

It's immpossible.

I need you're hugs too much...

you could have saved him..Selfish.
You could have saved him.
If you had talked to him,
if you had LOOKED at him,
IF YOU HAD LOVED HIM
he would
still
breathe, he would still be
here,
he'd still live.
When one dies,
so does
another.

I'm Only HumanBecause I can't let you pull me down
I can't fall back into that big black pit that almost swallowed me whole
I can't be so weak, you're keeping me together
I can't keep falling, you're the life in me
I'm numb, raw and cracked
I can't keep faking it, taking things for granted
I'll be fine; I'm only human after all.

Cry my NameCry my name
Let me cry
You know I'm sorry
Just kiss me

Call my name
Let me win
You know I love you
Just hold me

Cry my name
Let me bleed
You know I'm addicted
Just help me

Call my name
Let me in
You know I can be stronger
Just keep me safe

Forever.

Size MattersShe anxiously stepped on the scale.

Today would be the day.

She put her feet inside the
faded outlines and
watched hopefully
as the zeroes blinked to find the right number.

She got her result and
stared in horror.

How could she have
gained weight?

She had
tried so hard,
exercised every day,
counted every last calorie.

Her eyes blurred
as she stepped off of the scale,
but the number
was imprinted in her mind:

124.

Just for a SecondMaybe I can pretend
Pretend just for a minute
That everything is okay
That you're still with me
That you never hurt me
Pretend that you still think of me

Just for a second
Just one fucking second
I want to hear you
I want to hear your voice
That one voice telling me it'll be okay
The voice that calmed me down
Every time I lost control
The voice that once told me I was beautiful...
I miss it, I miss you

I just want to pretend
That you never called me that night
That you never lied
That we still mean the world to eachother...
Just let me think that
Please, tell me that you still love me
Just for a second.

I maybe FineI may seem fine
I may seem okay
under this fake smile
under this mask

I may not hurt
I may pretend
but deep down
the pain is burden within me

The past
the memories
the pain
that won't go away

I may seem okay
I may seem fine
But truly
the pain hurts more then you think

But it's okay
I am fine
really fine
with this fake smile

No need to worry
No need to be hurt
cause I am fine
without showing the pain

I maybe fine
I maybe smiling
but behind this mask
is the pain you will never see

I am Strong.This is killing me, why can't you see?
Everything you've done is pressing down on me
This is causing so much despair, anger, guilt, suffering
You said you'd never hurt me, you promised
But you did it anyway, for your own good

You said you still love and care for me
But then tell me, why did you have to hurt me so bad?
This is tearing me apart, breaking me into pieces
I can barely sleep, I got the first headache in weeks
I cry about it everyday

I love you. I just want you to know.
Maybe I always will.
But there are other feelings that come with this
Why did you do this!? I'm so insecure
I don't want to touch my body, I don't want

Wasted EffortsYou say you understand me, you don't even attempt to make a effort to.
How can you understand me when i can't even understand my self?
You tell me that i just need to smile, that it will solve all my tears.
How would you know, when you never cried tears for my reasons?
You think i need to grow up, but that it would be best for us both if you went.
How do you expect me to change for you, when you just want me gone?

thoughtsLately I have been finding myself asking
'Will this depression stop me from succeeding my dreams?'
'Will having Depression and A.D.D. change anything?'
'how long will i have to take these pills?'

I have realized that recently they have become darker.
'Can i scratch my scars back open?'
'will anyone want me now that I am damaged?'
'What would happen if i took all these pills at once?'

Depression is a mental illness
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Some days i don't want to eat.
some I just want to die.

A.D.D. stands for Attention Deficit Disorder
It makes it hard to focus one just one thing
and i usually lose sleep over it

they are happyThey're all happy
No new cuts at all,
Only ugly little scars
Holding a million secrets.
They are all happy
But are you?
From the sleepless nights,
To the nightmares
So frightening
that you're scared to remember them,
To the bite marks and bruises
And the tears drying on your cheeks.
No one knows what happens at night,
When you're in your room in tears.
You scratch and scratch.
Just a little blood that's all you want,
Scars don't bleed though.
They are happy
But are you?

Dying for SilenceAll I want is silence
Just some peace and quiet
It's been too hectic lately
I'm afraid I'll go insane

Relief is foreign to me
Just the memories of all the times
The times silence came so easily
The times I dreamt so easily

There is never any time
For even one minute
Not even in the dead of night
Because my mind is screaming

For just a bit of silence.

But I Did. So Why?No one warned me
Nobody told me you were feeling this way
Why didn't you say something?
Before it was too late?

Why did you do this?
I question myself everyday
I question life
I question humanity
No one said it was easy
But no one said it was this hard either

Who in this world actually does warn you
Nobody listens, nobody cares
Everyone is selfish
They want their own life to be perfect
They don't have time to worry about others

But I did. I did worry for you.
I did think about you.
Now you leave me here on earth wondering
What did I ever do wrong?

All you needed was a little love and understanding
Why? Why did you do this

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Rising LackCan't sleep
Cried tonight
Exhausted
Pain ridden
Eyes hurt
Heart hurt
Resistance
Do something
Different
Snaps of confusion
My mind
Kills body
Destroying it
Piece
  by fucking
Piece
Scars me
Forever
Just another
   Trigger
Another
   Reminder
That I've been
Out of control
Almost killing
My soul
Just falling
Instead of
Rising.

Cry my NameCry my name
Let me cry
You know I'm sorry
Just kiss me

Call my name
Let me win
You know I love you
Just hold me

Cry my name
Let me bleed
You know I'm addicted
Just help me

Call my name
Let me in
You know I can be stronger
Just keep me safe

Forever.

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Submitted: July 25, 2012
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[x]

I will not give in

by *Nessie905, Jul 25, 2012, 9:16:49 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

"Just once" they whispered
I will not give in
I can't
The blade does not define me
You do not define me
Let me go, leave me alone
You only devour, whats left of me

"You can't handle it" they hoarsely shout
But even if I can't, I still won't give in
I can't
The knife does not define me
Just go away, you liar
You only decieve, whats left of me...

I will not give inby *Nessie905

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

©2012-2013 *Nessie905

Okay so, its nothing much... I don't think its very good, but I tried. Just something... Blah :/

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Mood: Love

~MebutREAlizeD Jul 26, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

that's just so kickass :') The knife will not define me.. THat's AWESOME!!

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*Nessie905 Jul 26, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Heheh. Thankies, it means a lot

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*Kitsunechann Jul 25, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

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*Nessie905 Jul 25, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

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