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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member Michelle19/Female/Canada Groups :iconstop-the-suffering: Stop-the-Suffering
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Just Can't Take it Anymore... by Michies-PhotographyyScream! by Michies-PhotographyyAnxiety by Michies-PhotographyyLooking Down on Life. by Michies-PhotographyySuicidal Thoughts by Michies-PhotographyyWhy?? by Michies-PhotographyyWhat should I do? by Michies-PhotographyyDeep Thoughts by Michies-PhotographyyStress is So Much by Michies-PhotographyyHopeless... by Michies-PhotographyyMy Only Choice. by Michies-Photographyy

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My Journey with Social Anxiety

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 30, 2014, 9:22 AM


Hey guys. I've been thinking about writing about my journey recently, and I decided I will.
Here it goes. 
I guess I've always had a hint of it while growing up.. I was bullied in school ever since kindergarten. Kids would pull my hair and put cedar tree in my hair. They wouldn't let me play with the toys I wanted. So I've always worried about what kids would think of me in later years of elementary school. I didn't really have any friends until grade 3. Even then, kids would bully us. We were the 'losers'. So I always felt intimidated by the other kids at school. In grade one, a kid threatened to bring a gun to school and shoot me.

Flash forward to grade 7 & 8 - it got worse (with the social anxiety actually coming out in me) I would always try and avoid the kids who harassed me, the kids who called me ugly and fat almost on a daily basis. So, naturally, all these 'other' kids were enemies to me. Even if I saw them outside of school. Because I knew that I had no safety net. If they were to hurt me, no one would bother to care. I would constantly worry about whether I ran into them, or even if I had to walk past them. Because I also knew they would talk bad about me when I did.

Flash forward to grade 9, my Social Anxiety really popped up and things continued like this. That's when I started self-harming and everything went down. Then, I had to worry about hiding what I was doing to myself, and worrying about being exposed. It got to the point where I was afraid to go anywhere because I thought everyone was staring at me and knew how bad I looked. I almost killed myself in my freshman year.

After many doctors visits, I finally had the courage to tell my doctor that I wasn't only depressed, and that I had Social Anxiety Disorder. I looked it up and had pretty much all the symptoms. So she agreed to put me on medication for it. Actually, she put me on anti-depressants that are also for SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) It took a while for them to work, but now, they do wonders for me. I don't even know what I'd be like without them. Since I got saved, I wanted to be around people more, and love them just as Jesus did. I still get paranoid once in a while. Mostly just around big groups of strangers, especially when I don't have long sleeves. But that's very rare and I'm usually fine with short sleeves, showing my scars. 
My current goal is to learn to love children. I don't know exactly why, but I'm uncomfortable around children. Probably because of my past experiences with them. But God is teaching me to love them like He does, and constantly working on me every day. That's why I'm helping with a program called Awana at my church. About 30 kids come every Monday night to learn about God, and it's challenging for me, but also a real blessing. 
Anyways, thanks so much for reading, and if you are struggling with SAD, I urge you to ask for help, or go to your doctor about it. It's all worth it in the end. And if you have God, all things are possible!! :heart: :)
Take care! 
-Nessie

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Nessie905
Michelle
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Canada
:iconbutterfly1plz::iconbutterfly2plz::iconbutterfly3plz::iconbutterfly1plz::iconbutterfly2plz::iconbutterfly3plz::iconbutterfly1plz:
Hi, I'm Michelle, and I'm 18. My nickname is Nessie, or Michie :P I mostly post inspirational, or emotional photos. I love helping people and try to do so as much as I can :) I am recovering from Self Harm. I love all of you on here and I hope you like my page.
I am a Christian and I love Jesus. He is my savior. :heart:
I am founder of the group Stop-the-Suffering, a group for all those who have/ or are suffering from depression, self harm, ED's, bipolar, and any other mental illness.

My other accounts are:

Michies-Photographyy - This is for all of my photography , feel free to check it out.

Lover-girl1991 - This is just for things I don't exactly want on this account. (1991 is NOT my birth year, just for the record)

Anyways, thanks for visiting my profile. :)

I have never smoked. Never have, never will. :meow:

My Tumblr : beautifulscars13.tumblr.com/
My Twitter : twitter.com/maytherebehope
My YouTube : www.youtube.com/user/XxbrokenX…

Don't judge me.

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS


:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
TWLOHA Stamp by Peace-Wolfrescue is possible : stamp by ifyoupleaseTWLOHA avatar by XxBad-Luck-ChildxX
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. Love Is The Movement. Rescue Is Possible. Stop The Bleeding.


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Stamps and things I like :

Evanescence Stamp by BerryFlavoredApplesTea Makes Everything Better by delusional-dreamsJesus is my savior stamp by nekooYuui-cHanI'm not a Bible Thumper... by Nisshoku-artCamera Eyes by Blubble-The-Blubs
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Stamp: Self-Injury Awareness 3 by OtterAndTerrierStamp: Self-Injury Awareness 2 by OtterAndTerrierSuicide Isn't Worth It Stamp. by Agony-WhispersSuicide isn't funny. by MartianMeerkatStop That Stamp by Blackshadowbutterfly
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The Early Stamp by BusirisWeird Stamp by Kojima2087The Gallery Stamp by Busiris
Different Stamp by DeviantDualityShy Stamp by Neko-MusumeSupport? by AquaQueen27Not a pussy by prosaix
Rain Stamp by Stamp221Derp. A stamp by GogelmogelMe 'n You, Penguin Style by ValotoxinStamp - I Believe in True Love by ZezkahYour Smile... by aternity
Anti-Menstrual Cycle Stamp by HarukaWindOrange ribbon by BlueRavenAngel:thumb243427145:
bats stamp by morbidpumpkindev stamp by pukingpastillesRise up by 1Foxylady69 Stamp by WolvenFlamesStamp: SEX MAKES BABIES by steinschn
Small Penis Stamp by bizarrostamps:thumb166143771:The Butterfly Project by EtherealApricityYuGiOh stamp by prosaixStamp YGO: TAS Tribute03 by StraysMemoryAlbum
Child pageantry should be illegal... by BlackJillSouth Georgia and... by SirvanaRachanaSvalbard by SirvanaRachana:thumb261189173::thumb176930678:
I Take a Long Time To Do Shit by DSMeatteHappy + Sad Art Stamp by Fox-feathersTWLOHA Stamp - Animated by cpetten- I think too much - by Yuhon:thumb156540237:
The Hunger Games by Maximum-Olympian13You and Me by JustLittleAliSarcasm Stamp I by darkdisciple-stamps:thumb206729952:hello kitty by amitoon
Inspiration Strikes when... by QinniScorpio Stamp by Magica-28Ghost Stamp by Dragongirl269Randomly Random Stamp by Whacked-Out-IncNote me stamp by Joyfool
mustache you a question STAMP by RuthMcGleishKeep Calm Stamp by Kezzi-RoseNow Panic Stamp by Kezzi-RoseAwesome Friends Stamp by Toxic-Mario
[Stamp] Temptation by CreepiestBe proud-stamp by DevaPeinVirgin and Proud of it. by Hurricane-HannahYou're beautiful by Diversus-siteHiding Stamp by PurpleTartan
Hello, my name is.. by cfryantI :heart: my watchers Stamp. by jugga-lizzleCatwa Stamp by Baka-MonkeyI Eat Rainbows Stamp by bizarrostampsStamp: It's funny... by LittleMissWesker
Resident evil stamp by insomniacawakeResident Evil Movie Stamp IV by violet-wavesZombies by stuck-in-suburbiaEDNOS Awareness Stamp by EllideggEDNOS Awareness Stamp by ElleOVE
:thumb122713733:Moustache Stamp by Leafbreeze7Imagination stamp by NamiYamiStamp: Dear Family- Perfect by Riza-IzumiLonely by Mr-Stamp
Awkward by Fyi-Sus:. Twilight Stamp .: by Mei-moonI don't bite by Fyi-SusDr. Phil Sees by iHOMICIDALDr. Phil by RainbowStamps

Rawr by Wind-Up-DollFeel Free stamp by rawr-xx-chanI Would Cosplay Stamp by WhatTheHolyScrudDrugs Stamp by llama-nessI need to pee stamp. by miekeuytPull your pants up by Sergeant-McFluffersTime Flies Stamp by Northern33Toilet Paper Stamp by Drake1Evanescence Fan Stamp by The-Twitching-PeanutFunny by wasd591
Sitting at home by black-cat16-stamps


Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?


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:iconsalman-khan:
salman-khan Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Let this new year of your life be special, full of precious moments, bright emotions, full of happiness and joy!
Let Love follow your footsteps everywhere you go!!!
Wish you a very Happy Birthday Hug
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:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much :hug:
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1bookfish Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!!!!
:dance: :cake: :dance: 
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Nessie905 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :P
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Yelsa-girl Featured By Owner 5 days ago
Happy Happy Birthday Girl :D
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Nessie905 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :)
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Jasperinity Featured By Owner 5 days ago
Happy birthday! :D
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Nessie905 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :D
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CzarnyKon Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Student General Artist
 Lily Wishing a Happy Birthday :happy birthday: Happy Birthday :happybounce: Happy DeviantART Birthday 
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Nessie905 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! :hug:
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